


Laid to Rest

by Hildigunnur



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death?, Comedy, Crack, Dubious Consent, Erotica, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-09
Updated: 2005-10-09
Packaged: 2018-10-26 13:05:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hildigunnur/pseuds/Hildigunnur
Summary: Binns smut





	Laid to Rest

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015.
> 
> Author’s note: This story is the results of my participation in mctabby’s Blame Each Other challenge on LJ. Binns smut, but not with Peeves and I can blame it on wabbitseason. I have to thank soupytwist for the beta-reading and Madhuri for certain ideas.

It would have been a gross understatement to say that Cuthbert Binns liked facts. He positively lived for them. When he wasn’t teaching the not-exactly-eager students, he sat and read in huge tomes on history. He even wrote a few himself, such as Critical Study Of Ministry Documents About The 35th Goblin Rebellion and the popular How The Goblins Got Rich: The Showdown Of The 44th Goblin Rebellion. He wasn’t very proud of the latter. It felt like he had sold himself out there.

 

Normally Binns kept to himself, though he did frequent the Teachers’ Lounge. Every now and then there was someone who would engage in a nice discussion about leaders in the 25th Goblin Rebellion or how much influence a particular Minister of Magic had had. Usually he would sit in the chair by the fire, perhaps with a glass of Elderflower wine and a book. He was perfectly content with that.

 

He had never married. It really had never entered his mind. He’d just never met anyone he wanted to marry or who wanted to marry him.

 

So every night he could be found sitting by the fire reading a book, feeling pretty good. Those who weren’t interested in talking about the finer points of history knew not to disturb him, especially the few who had tried to engage the elderly wizard in a conversation about Quidditch or the weather, for all they had ever got was a slightly puzzled look and then he would tell them all about how the Quidditch finals in 1697 had been cancelled due to the 24th Goblin Rebellion, or that the International Federation of Wizards once held a conference on Weather Charms. He never had an opinion or wanted to gossip. This made him dull conversationalist to most.

 

To most.

 

At the end of a particular hot summer, (on the evening of 31st of August to be precise), Dumbledore came to the Teachers’ Lounge. Most of the staff were having a night cap and moaning about it being the last night without students. With him was a young woman, sporting big glasses and dressed in a gypsy fashion.

 

“Allow me to introduce Miss Trelawney? She is to become our new Divination Professor.”

 

There was a murmur of welcomes but the young woman stepped forward and greeted each of her colleagues personally. Some remembered her, she had been a student at Hogwarts ten years earlier, although Binns did not however. He had always been bad with students’ names. Yes, their names could count as facts but they weren’t historically important enough. Perhaps would become so later but by then, he surely would be dead.

 

When Trelawney reached him, he took her hand and shook it without words. She smiled broadly and gave him a cheerful wink. It surprised him and when he sat back down to return to his book, he wasn’t able to concentrate on what he was reading, something he wasn’t used to.

 

The following night after the Welcoming Feast in the Great Hall, Binns discovered his favourite chair in the Teachers’ Lounge was occupied by the same Miss Trelawney that had winked at him the night before. He stood by the chair for a minute or two, wondering if he should say something before she noticed him.

“Hello there, Professor Binns or can I call you Cuthbert? It’s such a nice name. Goes well with your earthy-toned aura.”

 

Binns furrowed his brow. No one ever used his first name, not even Dumbledore. Miss Trelawney took no notice of Binns’ grimace and kept on prattling.

“I’m quite excited to start teaching tomorrow. I do hope I’ll be able to inspire my students as you inspired me when I sat in your History of Magic classes.”

 

The creases on Binns’ forehead deepened. He knew very well that it was extremely rare that students possessed his own fascination for historical facts. Actually he didn’t recall a single student who had shown more than the briefest glimpse of enthusiasm throughout his many decades of teaching.

“Oh, Cuthbert. Don’t you believe me?” She batted her eyelashes. “Perhaps I should add that I wasn’t necessarily inspired … academically.”

 

Binns seldom felt anything resembling instinct but right now he had a great urge to get away from the young lady. His limbs weren’t responsive as they had once been and before he was even able to turn, she had laid her hand on his.

“Surely you know what I mean?” Her voice was unusually husky and it gave him shivers all over. With muffled cry, he pulled his arm away from her and walked as fast as he could out of the Teachers’ Lounge.

 

That night sleep didn’t come to him easily. He tried to fool his mind that this was merely old age settling in his bones and making him restless, though he had hard time convincing himself that rheumatism could cause this stiffness in his groin area.

 

Finally he fell asleep, but even then his mind (and body) seemed to be troubled. In his dreams visions of Miss Trelawney seemed to haunt him and conjured up sensations he’d hardly remembered experiencing before. Once, perhaps, when he was a boy, but that was so long ago.

 

The following day, when the students were in for their first lessons of the school year, Binns found himself unable to start his lectures; he stumbled on every other word and he could no long remember the names of some of the Goblin Rebellions’ leaders. At the end of the day, he was a nervous wreck, and he could hear the whispers of the students who were wondering if he’d gone completely senile over the summer. He went straight to his quarters after the lessons; he couldn’t bear to face Miss Trelawney. She was a young woman, hardly out of school, and he was wizened old wizard.

 

He picked out one of his favourite easy-reading books (Raging Rampages: Why Do Goblins Rebel?) from his bookcase and sat down to read it. Soon he felt better, immersed in political plots and vicious battles, and he started forgetting all about Miss Trelawney. Just as he was getting to an exciting chapter called In It For The Money: How Goblins Gain Financially From Rebellions, there was a knock on his door. He was quite startled but got up to see who it was.

 

Miss Trelawney.

 

She smiled as he opened his door and slid inside before he could say anything.

“You weren’t at dinner so I thought I should see if you were all right. You are all right, aren’t you?” When he didn’t answer her, she took his arm.

 

“You should have a lie-down if you are feeling under the weather.” He looked, horrified, at her small white hand. “Though the colours in your aura don’t indicate any sickness and when I consulted the orb about … you, I saw nothing about your health problems. Quite the contrary, I might say.” Her voice again became unusually husky. Binns swallowed. He had just managed to get rid of his thoughts of her and now they had returned with a vengeance.

 

It was if she knew what he was thinking. She brought her hand to his shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. He felt himself grow rigid when her lips pressed against his but he found no strength in him to push her away. Her kissing got more aggressive and it felt like the polite and natural thing to reciprocate. It hadn’t occurred to him that this would turn out to be an invitation for her tongue to ravage his mouth. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was thankful that he had pretty healthy teeth for his age.

 

Her small white hands were as busy as her tongue, travelling all over him and sneaking into the folds of his robes. She also managed to place his hands on her waist. His body seemed to respond automatically to her carcesses. Vitality he didn’t know he possessed seemed burst forth in his body, yet she remained in control.

 

Soon she decided she wanted to carry their play to the bed. She undressed quickly in front of him and then smiled. He just stood there, feeling uncomfortable and helpless. It seemed impossible to try to stop her. Whatever it was she wanted, it was obvious she would obtain it. There was nothing for him to do but succumb to her. Let her lead him forth in a play of passion. Disrobed and dazzled, he was pushed down on the bed and she crawled on the top of him. She had not taken her glasses off so he stared into her enormous eyes as she moved her hands down his body. Her fingers closed around that body part that had just sprung to life, a body part that he wasn’t usually aware of.

 

Her eyes had become heavy-lidded and her breathing seemed laboured. He tried to focus on her eyes, for it felt strange to look elsewhere. To see her body, see her using her free hand to touch her breast and then move between her legs.

 

“Do you want to know how I feel inside?” she asked in a breathy voice. He couldn’t possibly reply but she didn’t wait for him to answer. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her hips. His hands and arms seemed to be moved by their own accord and he watched himself pushed her hips down. Her throaty laugh echoed in his ears.

 

Feeling her flesh on his felt odd. Hot and slippery. Indeed, it was like he had slipped and now he was falling into a warm place that surrounded him on all sides. An eerie claustrophobic feeling settled in him and he tried to close his eyes. Still he couldn’t help but watch the creature that had straddled him and engulfed him in her flesh. Watch her gyrate, watch her breasts heave up and down. Listen to her moans. All in a vain effort to exclude his own experience, to divert the mind from the alien sensations she was creating.

 

Her movements became fast-paced and irregular. She started to convulse and threw her head violently back screaming. Watching and feeling her cause a spasmodic reaction in his body and he felt his feeble muscles tense painfully. Just as he slowly was able to relax, she seemed to have long recovered. With small sigh, she got up off the bed and dressed. She didn’t even give him a backward glance before exiting his chambers.

 

Minutes, even hours passed before he was able to stir his limbs. With a massive effort he was able to heave himself off the bed and, in a sort of a trance, he was able to find his robes and put them on. His body felt dead, while his head was in turmoil. He knew he couldn’t sleep. He just wanted to sit in front of the fire in the teacher’s lounge and try to forget what had happened. Maybe he could get his hands on some Forgetfulness Potion. It wouldn’t do to rouse the Potion Master at this hour, but there might be some in the Emergency Potion Cabinet in the Teachers’ Lounge.

 

The fortune favoured him this time as there was a vial of the potion in the cabinet. He put a dash of it into his cup of Elderflower wine and took a healthy sip. With a relieved sigh, he settled in his chair. His memories of the events earlier dwindled rapidly; sl sls eepiness filled him instead and soon he was snoring gently.

 

He slept the sleep of the righteous.


End file.
